Dear Rigidness,

Where is my soul, in this vast world on endless flow?
Who am I when all I want to do is grasp reality, but reality runs away with the current of daily movement?

I want to access myself, to open the doors to that inner river of life and abundance and this opening is elusive, it gets further and further away. The moment I feel drowned in the wonder of creative energy and bloom, I lose it. I get a taste and then it disappears.

I stretch my arms out, in despair, to wrap myself around this being, this creature of life and richness, and all I can do is smell her hair and brush against her skin softly before she runs away.
I want to keep her in my arms, with me all the time. She needs solitude, she needs acceptance, she needs social freedom, she needs isolation but with a sense of being permanently connected to others. She wants peace and quietness, she wants music, she wants to dance, she wants to float.
How do I offer her all these things to keep her alive and close to me?

I’m not sure if my spirit is human. I doubt it more and more, as I see my inner force change and skew what was previously installed and defined in there. I grow into the belief my spirit is something different, something of a godlike energy but with primitive behaviours. This creature is female but it feels androgenic at times.
This creature is beautiful but it can feel straying emotions and I’m not quite sure what to make of it.

I feel lost. Wondering. Confused. Dry and Arid. Thirsty for words and emotions. Slow. Stubborn. Dreamy.
Is this an innate function of everybody out there?