Inside the mind of loops and hoops Ep. 2
My mind is me. I am my mind.
The anxiety, cloudiness, feverish thirst for feelings, the chaotic search to get rid of numbness is not an escape, but an artificial construct my mind creates, repeating old survival patterns.
My mind wants to be free, to bear no responsibility, because it connected this concept to the futility of having a peaceful and loving family in the past. While failing at it since no direct responsibility should have been placed, the need to be released out of this responsibility is now being directed in a self-sabotaging, pathologically altered behavior.
My mind *believes* it needs true living, intense feelings and a deep release from responsibility because in the past it has been instructed to.
This deepened conditioning can only be modified and replaced with more beneficial behaviors, which include self-reflection (such as this writing right here) and -most importantly- the refusal to act as before, simultaneously acting in a completely novel direction.
So if persistent anxiety troubles the emotional state, it should be met with gratitude, a spiritual practice of praying, joy and stillness.
Sadness can feel as a much-needed emotion and it should not be ignored or forgotten, but it surely needs maturation. Transforming sadness into art and achievement is a requisite for actualizing the emotional capacity of an individual.
Loneliness is a symptom, a highly repeated isolation, away from recurrent threats. It is not an accurate representation of the present. Therefore, loneliness should be met with the practice of being present, anchoring oneself to the real and actual benevolent relationships one has.
All other anxieties, taking concrete shapes in the guise of unsatisfying relationships, self-insufficiency and loops of re-living childhood angst and trauma should be dealt with caution, as they don’t provide a solution. They rather represent artificial noise that has real potential to harm and destroy.
The solution is always in what is unbeknownst to us:
- the words of a book
- reading a powerful emotionally-charged quote
- a friend saying something truly insightful
- art, in it’s many shapes and colors: writing, music, dancing, dreaming, painting.
Create art and let it feed your ever-hungry soul. Feed your holes with the power of creativity; it will take your mind to a better place.
I am my mind.
My mind is me.
